hot rod

Hot rodding will get you everywhere.

You will again relay the story of a dinner past, the one you have relayed a thousand times, but again, noone will be paying any attention.

You will spill out onto the street with music guiding your feet.

You will give thanks for the peace and quite from thew normally noisy neighbours. In fact you will call them on the phone and say, "HEY!!!!! Thanks for nothing."

Your potatoes are burning in the oven.

You will wear red in the next week, and it will scare a small child.

You will wear out your welcome. . . . . . . . . Matt.

You have nothing to say about the world, yet you will blab on and on.

You will be busy breaking up perfectly matched sweaters and ties.

Sir, your ozone seems to be depleted.

You lost something so precious and irreplacable that your life could never be the same without it, but not to worry, it goes on sale next week at the mall.

If you go through life thinking that everyone is a fricking idiot, you'll probably be sorely disappointed. And you'll probably never really see how great some of the people around you really are. . . you frickin idiot.

Every day that you wear white after labour day you will pay dearly for the cleaning bill.

No matter how high the hill, or how low the valley,
No matter which window's slam in your face,
No matter how many times you fail
'Keep opening doors'
It is the only way to find where you should hang that wreath.

You will need surgery if you keep sitting on that funny bone.

You will need a drink if you keep talking with your mouth open.

You have many friends, but none of them are brave enough to tell you the truth about your behind.

Your frail funny bone will suffer a fracture Friday in a frantic fanatical fiasco.

Rocks are people too.

If you live your life guided by thrills, you might end up taking huge pills.

Go easy on the eyes.

Spare me my ribs.

YES!!!

The Operation was a success.

You found what you had been looking for, but had forgotten where you had hid the thing that was quite important indeed, I'll say, yes, quite, Uh huh, um hmm.

Over the years you have grown more politically cynical, which has caused you to divorce yourself from the 'franchise' parties and go with the more fringe parties.

Like the "Vegan-crossdressing-saladdressing-hopscotch-grouphappiness-overlooked-underlaid" Party.

The "Love thine enemy, Don't talk to strangers" motto always seemed like an odd way to live. SO you've chosen to talk to your enemy's strangers about thine love.

Answer the next phone call on the third ring. It will be the delivery guy, but he will have forgotten your salad and root beer. . . again.

Poems do not have to rhyme to make sense.

Art is in the eye of the beholder, unless he or she has worn protective glasses.

Everyone has their fifteen minutes of fame, but only after their twelve weeks of hellish nightmares.

Halloween will not come and go this year. It will come, and then stick around through the holidays and then leave on the second of January, next year.

Wear red.

Peace, please.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Scott~

Hello Halloween

You wore orange in the past and will wear a smile in the future.

Your largest critic will have a heart attack.

You smell like you've just seen a ghost.

Somewhere a politician is plotting to attract your vote like honey to a tea cup.

You have the heart of a strong person, but it is in a jar on your desk at home (thanks Stephen king).

Your days are numbered, but only because we use this calendar type system. Had we selected to letter the days instead of numbering them then your days would be lettered (and so would everyone else's).

Oh, and if we had chose to letter days then perhaps there would only be 26 days in a month. Er. . . would that be in countries where they speak English.

Do the French have 26 letters in their alphabet?

Gee, this lettering system would be complex, no wonder we abandoned it.

But wait, if we had a universal language, one that everyone spoke, then we could have uniform calendars.

And we all could also wear uniforms because, why does any individual need to be unique.

And we could also think and act alike.

It would be good to report anyone that did not comply with the 'Conformed code of life'.

You will conform well.

Won't you?



I know you will!









NOT!









NOT!

(see, now it is the whole -double negative thing- Spooooooky)
{Now you must decide how diabolical you will be!!!}









{or NOT}



[I'll stop now]

Open the door

You have a strange curiosity about the squeeking noise coming from the cellar.

You are more intrigued by the fact that you do not have a cellar.

An opportunity at work will have you thinking about a past relationship.

A stranger will offer you a banana.

Your eyelids will close sometime in the next thirty to fifty hours.

There on the table

You lost your fav pair of socks.

They are under the couch.

You lost your sense of smell.

It is under investigation.

A strange man will come to your birthday party dressed as you.

It will not be a costume party, rather an 'Invite a strange man to your birthday party dressed as you' party.

They are all the rage in Sweden. . . in the year 2034.

TV will cease to exist over the air for three years while it undergoes construction.

The Internet will take over by allowing you to watch your fav shows right after they have been filmed.

Like 'Sex in the Chevy' (A soon to be proposed sitcom about smalltown love), 'Filmore Girls' (A dreadful attempt to emulate the raving success of the 'Gilmore Girls', which propelled several cast members into congressional seats), and 'King of the Simpsons-o-rama' (which will be a spin off, revival, renewal for three beloved television shows The Simpsons - Futurama - King of the Hill).

You will read a book about people.

It will make you think.

You will loan the book to your pal and he will not return it for two years.

The door knob will hit you where the good lord split ya.

There will be peace in the valleys, but you folks in the hills, wear earplugs.

King of the Word

You spoke out.
Sure it made others laugh, but that little old lady in the corner cried.

It's easy to be the bully when the person you are pushing around walks with a cane and a couple aspirin. [I know because I used to work in a rest home, but the funny thing is, I'd wake up the old folks about two thirty in the morning to sing old war songs and Indian leg wrestle. ]

Anyway, back to your psychic reading -

You smell funny today. You always look funny, but today, the smell. . .

You have not embarked on any great mission for at least six months, and it is time to start writing down a game plan.

No, use the blue ink.

You have endorsed candidates for failure and corruption.

You have not stood up to those who have sat next to you.

You have not called on the forces that gave you their phone number just last week.

BUT, (and it is a big but)

You have seen through the muck and the shucks enough to play the blame game.

Congrats, on your new jacket.

Make sure you don't leave it on the back of a wooden chair at a nice coffee spot you've only been to twice (the barista actually likes the coat and it won't end up in the lost and found, if you know what I mean).

Best wishes and

OOH, I almost forgot. . . BUY all the 'Acts of God' insurance you can buy.

I know you will have a great day (except for you, Phil, wear your running shoes today, not that they will help you much),

PSychicblogger

Pirates & Emperors

Pirates & Emperors

I was on this site when I happened upon this psuedo-schoolhouse rock version of what in the world we are doing.

It is funny, and quite to the point.

Enjoy and discuss amongst yourselves.

Scott~

Pine Comb

Every seventh day you will pine for the ninth.

Each passing moment will pass like gas.

Even the weakest of men still find time to cry like little baby girls.

Each good boy deserves Beverages.

Enjoy,

Yo estoy

Life of Quest

You endorsed a loser last year, and they are in a political office.

You smell like roses, after they have been through a bitter divorce.

But not to worry, the sun will shine again.

After the perfect storm.

A stranger will drive past your house at four in the morning, but he will not stop as he is in a hurry.

Overly developed underweight pop stars will impress on a staff of hotel personnel that they have no moral fibers in their bodies.

If that suprises you, then you have been watching the wrong network.

And by the way, how does this net work?

Speak up, I can't hear you!

Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh oh oooh oh oh oh oh !!!

Jumbo Size That

Well Well Well.

Have we been sniffing round the old kitchen one minute too long?

perhaps you should sweat off a few pounds singing a song.

I know I could use a degree,

In orchestral maneuvers that occur after three.


Dare I say more, perhaps I should wait,

I open my mouth, and in goes the cake.

Are not we men?

Happy strung go lucky day.
Overt covert blown away.

Orange, purple, haze of blue.
Ocean mist is seafoam true

Lost in transit, safe return
Homeless puppy, receipt? Return!

Length of time, not accurate
On big plumpness, we have sat.

Derelict and then sucked dry
Waving musket flowers high.

sore throat ever filled with strep
Open mind is bandaged up.


Poetry was never my strong breath.

You Have Not

You have not a clue, but that is okay, as you are about to find that which you did not know you were looking for. But I did. . . . I knew you were looking for it.

You have grown wise in your basement.

Wise men have seen past the sign and now they are in line with the divine state of time versus that fine line of cinematic desperation time.

It does not good to flick your nose at a nin-com-poop.

It does not good to search google for nincompoop either.

I have not the time, nor the inclination to lay down.

Your roots are showing, and I used to like it.

Your car is not worth the paper it is printed on.

I hope you get two of everything you want one of.

Peace!

Spring into Summer

You will find yourself, oddly enough, springing from winter into spring. This would be just fine, if summer wasn't peeking it's head around the corner whispering, come out and play with me.

A large dog will walk slowly down the street in California, while across the country in New York a large dog will be doing the exact same thing.

Another shocking thing. . . an eel.

You have large amounts of envy, but like your Halloween costumes from last year, you keep them in a box stored at the local church with the words, 'do not open, sinful box'.

Best wishes,
Hugs and kisses,
How's the mrs.,
Don't sleep with the fishes,

True Dat

Just Is

Love is in the air, so wear a smock.

Dreams are everywhere, but that is no reason to stay asleep.

You have been visited by someone in your area in the past three years.

You will find yourself suffering from a small bout of chicken socks. Which is a bizarre form of arm flapping whilst making the silliest noises and wearing socks on your hands.

Your grandma's recipe for tapioca will end up on the internet as a new additive for bio-diesel fuel.

You are wearing something white.

Under the overpass

underscoring the overbite
of a centuries worth of instant camera flashes
we wobble but don't fall down.

eclipsed by a honda accord convention
we dripped loningly into the pool of least resistance fighters

overly cautious,
we boldly stayed quite about the yelling horse man in the last race
(Nostradummas was clearly talking about Howard Dean in that last quatrain)

fretting about the guitar strings
we played our last hand like a muted trupmet

but we played flat notes on paper pads with broken pencils and dormant dorm room drama's.

dear.

Heavy Hitters

Like wings of a dove, you will flap around hysterically.
Laughing at the multi coloured hat worn out by years of breakdancing

Oh yes, the whispers will all be true,
except the ones about you.
dreams can come true, but
only if they come by way of Brooklyn.

a deer in the headlights is worth two in the bush

a squirrel in hand is worth a squirrel in the bush

what is this in the bush thing?

Wait, I'll guess, er um, prophesy that is means the country will be bush free after our next election, unless you count Jeb bush.

He'll carry on, and on, and on.

lest the country vote libertarian.

By the way, you are happy to see me, again.

mucho distorto

Another great disturbance in the force has been felt.

It seems the nuclear fibers on my shirt have come unraveled causing the mushroom cloud to now look like a lightening bolt.

But of greater import, the export market will rise and the import value of oil of viola will be a huge hit. . . when it smashes box office records kept in a fragile glass housing.

Best wishes for the new year,

May it bring sobering news and life affirming activities,

SO it is written, so shall it be published,